Great Lesson from God

As I sit here on "THE MONSTROSITY" I have so many emotions. It is not the awesome, beige/brown sofa I love to look at in magazines that have my neutral style and clean lines. It is hideous. You see, my journey to this great lesson starts at Ikea when I clap and jump up and down and thank God and my sweet, loving gypsy face of a husband for the awesome three seater sofa with a white slip cover. We couldn't afford the sassy dark brown one or the herringbone patterned one so I had the idea to coffee stain it. Gypsy Face agreed we would save a lot of money if we did this and so off we went. Round #1. I shove the entire slip cover in our newly purchased (but lovingly used) washing machine and throw the brewed coffee in. We sit and wait and check on it like a brand new baby that just came home from the hospital. We have so many questions and doubts....will it be tie dyed....will it wash right out and look like we never did anything.....how long should we leaving it? OK, so after about two hours we bring it out, put it in the drying and voila! NOT!!! Ok, it didn't look bad, but instead of the dark, rich brown I wanted it turned out to be a light cream color. Round #2. I went to the good ol U.S. of A. and brought back a packet of Rit Dye. So excited to make this now light cream sofa into a dark brown, luscious, sofa of my dreams! I mean, it came from the motherland right? It HAD to turn out, right? This great idea had now at this point become a battle. I WOULD make this work. Especially now that I had people ready and willing to see what it looks like. These people who were telling me how clever I was and how I was such a great wife to save money and be so creative. I mean, I had to live up to that right? So, Rit Dye packet goes in the wash, along with the slip cover that was once again shoved in the machine and left for an even longer time. No baby-ish thoughts this time, just plain determination. IT WOULD WORK, IT WOULD WORK, IT HAS TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So while I sit in my chair, just knowing that God is going to bless me this time because I have been a cheap, frugal, awesomely crafty wife who will bring the Gypsy Face honor and Glory, my slip cover lays in ruin. We pull it out this time it is no longer the even, cute but undesired color of light cream. It is an awful monstrosity that is multicolored. Where did I go wrong? You people may already have this answer, but not me. I am in the midst of entertaining some friends and I sling my dog Mango in to the arms of a guest and wallow in pity. IT'S RUINED!!!!!!!!!!! Tie dyed brown, red with splotches of purple. I didn't even remember the days of art appreciation where you learn to mix colors. I am incredulous that my beautiful cover and the wonder dye from the good motherland have failed me. I am doomed! Poor Gypsy Face, he tries to make me feel better by telling me that the tie dye matches my personality because I am a long lost hippie. He does not like the wretched witch I have turned into and the face that yells...."THAT IS THE UGLIEST COMPLIMENT YOU HAVE EVER GIVEN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!" Round #3I get black dye from B2S!!! Yay! They have it! So I get ten packs, sure this will do the trick. I mean, it already dyed my clothes and fingers as I dissolve it in the machine. So, hours and hours later, I pull my now tattered and hideous slip cover out of the machine and guess what? NOT! It is now grey/brown. Well, I should say the cushions are that color, while the body is still a mottled brown/red, with grey spots in it. Ok. Distraught, beaten, and a little incredulous, I just leave it on the floor and walk out of the room, up the stairs, and straight into Gypsy Face's arms. Pathetic. I am doomed. The women's group from church is coming, I've spent all the money on this battle, and am left with the embarrassing realization that this is now my couch. People will laugh, they will laugh and say I'm crazy. They will talk about how stupid I was to think I could pull this off. OH, the things they will say. So, after all this drama, I get up and think, I need God. I get out my book study and read all morning about Hezekiah, the king who served the Lord and was successful. The only downfall he had was what?????? You got it....PRIDE. I sit here on this sofa, the hideous monstrosity and and think, wow. I wanted the glory, I wanted to be the crafty wife, I wanted to be the domestic diva, the one who brought my husband respect and honor. Hahaha! God says, you are to serve me and have no other Gods. I am to give HIM the glory, the honor and praise. I had not done that. What happened to the grateful girl who was so thankful that God had provided a sofa? She turned into a selfish, prideful brat! I'm so sorry God, I cried. Please, forgive my selfishness, my greed and my need to be a perfect, clever wife. Please forgive my foolishness and the embarrassment I have caused. But more than that, I promise to keep this sofa as hideous and imperfect as it is to remind me that YOU and YOU ALONE are the only reason I have anything. And once again I am thankful that you showed me and returned my focus to you. I love this couch. I love it's ugliness, it's imperfections, and the ugly lesson that came with it. Thank you for loving me and my ugliness, my imperfections and giving me the grace and mercy I don't deserve.

Reflections on the Wolski's Gypsy Adventure to Thailand

I can't believe we've made it an entire year in Thailand! Wow. It really has been an adventure. We have done and seen so many things and I will never be the same since coming to Bangkok, Thailand. When we sold everything to follow God's will for us I had no idea the road He would take us down. The life's lessons, the fun adventures, the beautiful scenery, new community, new friends, church, school and life among natives in a foreign land is just so mind boggling. But we did it! We all set out wanting to do specific things when we got here and we've done all but one. Elijah and I wanted to ride elephants, Chris wanted to go to the Bridge over the River Kwai and Hailley wanted to ride horses on the beach. We've done all but ride horses on the beach, and if it kills us, that will be the one thing we do next year. Not bad for our first year. The things we didn't expect was to be surrounded and loved by so many. We've had tears, fights, times when we just wanted to pack up and go home but God never says any of this would be easy. He just promises to walk beside us and carry us through it. He has sent us so many wonderful people. Missionaries who have lived here for so long, other teachers who have been through culture shock, and young new teachers who keep us going with their optimistic outlook on life have all been in the right place at the right time. I have never been more sure of anything in my life.....God sent us here and He has a wonderful plan for us. I miss the good ol' U.S. of A. but am appreciating every aspect of living here. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I have to remind myself that I'm here because God is the boss of me. Like when I'm riding down the dirty street on my, by now, old, raggedy, orange bike named Nanny McPhee in 100 degree weather and sweating like a piglet. Or like the time my tire was flat and I rode Elijah's bike to the Pepsi shop in the neighborhood only to twist my ankle and flip over the handlebars in front of all the Thai neighbors. There are other things that I loath here. Having to depend on taxi drivers, loud music/screaming girls with microphones in the malls, having to shop at three different places for groceries and the fact that they don't have a walmart or target. The fact the Pepsi is the preferred drink(Hello? I'm from the ATL and firmly believe that Coke should and will always be everyone's favorite). Poisonous snakes, floods, rabid street dogs and cats that multiply before your very eyes. Paying for drinking water, fish with heads and eyeballs on the menu, and squatty potties. Yuck. I do love how patient and loving most of the Thai people are. How when Elijah ran away, our entire neighborhood, Thai and Farong(that's foreigners) alike got out and looked for hours and held me and Hailley while we cried and prayed for his safety. I love to see the entire families of four and five that fit on a moped. I love how the beauty and the community that is just lost on today's American culture. I love how it really does take a village to raise your kids and how everyone prays and talks about Jesus Christ without shame or fear of offending someone. I love to try and speak Thai and watch the Thai people laugh and try to figure out what I'm saying. I love to buy food or goods from the market and watch entire families come to see what I'm buying and ask what I'm making. I love how Chris has gotten to witness to non christian kids at school and how our kids are surrounded by loving and patient friends. So, as we wind down our first year, I think of all the blessings we have received this year. I praise God and give Him all the glory for leading us here and I pray that next year will be filled with more healing, more love, laughter and great experiences. We have four days until we get on a plane. Four days to squeeze my sister until she pops. I cannot wait to see her smile, laugh until I cry, and be silly like I can with no other person. I can't wait to hold my daddy in my arms and squeeze my crazy mammy. I have missed them all so much and cannot wait to be surrounded by their love. Thanks for all the love, prayers and support of all our friends. We could not have made it without you guys!

The Truth of a Gypsy Heart

People from the church got mad at us for pulling out of a church camp. My daughter got in not one, but two, fights with a seventeen year old eighth grader and got detention for a week. My son stole the teacher's scissors and held them up (playing) to someone's neck like he was in the "movies." My son and daughter got in a fight that escalated into him running away and the entire neighborhood, Thai and non-Thai alike, were scouring the streets for him. And to start it all off, the therapist said I am the one who needs therapy first and most. All this happened within 9 days of each other.
The weeks before I had started questioning God about why we were brought to Thailand, how we were going to make it financially, what was our purpose here. I still didn't know where I was supposed to serve, which ministry to join forces with and feeling guilty every time I told someone no, or I'm not sure. Well, God certainly showed me the answers to all those questions in the span of those 9 days. I went from questioning His judgement to knowing without a doubt that I am back to my old ways of trying to control things. I remembered the verse "Be still and know I am God." I have never known such a loving, graceful, merciful community than we are in right now. Yes, I am totally humiliated that my lack of bonding with my children has held them back. Yes, I am totally embarrassed that my child ran away and now everyone knows we don't live in a utopia filled with unicorns. To the questions of how we are going to make it, I am learning to "be still..." I am learning to be content, to block out the negative naysayers and to listen to the angels who have surrounded us with love and support. I am learning to say things with my actions and not words. I am learning to love my children for who they are in spite of all their hideous badges of honor, sometimes worn proudly on their sleeves. I am learning to listen and smile when people tell me what they think of me or my parenting skills. I smile because I know without a doubt those people would never be able to handle what we go through in one day, let alone the last four years with wounded spirits and the aftermath of abuse. As one loving friend put it, they are special, and you are specially picked for them. I am beginning to believe that. I hang on to the fact that my pride is not because we are special, but because we are chosen by God to parent, to learn and to love. We are not perfect, but we are humble, we are fighters, we are survivors. We will do anything, try anything and fall on our knees publicly to hang on to the robe of Christ and follow His Holy Spirit in guiding us-all of us-to the cross. He may drag us kicking and screaming, but we haven't let go of the robe yet!
All this new learning of the attachment theory has made me step up to the plate, not accept them bonding with Chris more than me and to hold me accountable for their healing and in return, healing all the hurts from my childhood I never knew were impacting my relationship with anyone, let alone my family. Little by little, in my humble gypsy heart, grows tiny roots of two adolescent rascals who have not wormed their ways in, but clawed, kicked and screamed and fought their way to get there. May they one day know how much I love them and how I will die loving them. No matter how much they embarrass, humiliate, hurt, defy, or rebel, I will love them with all my heart.

Valentines Day Adventures!

As I sit here looking at "ideas" on Pinterest all day, I realize it is four o'clock and the day is gone. I have nothing to show and an overwhelming number of those ideas swimming around in my head. So, what is the topic of those ideas? VALENTINES DAY!!! I realize that my crazy gypsy of a husband tore the roots right out from under us and brought us across the entire globe. I realize my adopted kids give me a run for my money with their tests and rascally behavior. But you know what? There is no greater passion than the love I have for those three. I will follow my Chris to the end of this life with devotion, respect and a lot of gushy love. I will fight for and with my children so that they will get to the end of this life and say, "wow, I know I was loved by that crazy woman!"
This brings me to the realization that God loved us so much that He gave us His son to die on the cross for our sins. Wow! He loves us far more than we deserve, gave us the greatest gift, and blesses our lives beyond measure. So, in all of that, how are YOU going to show your family that you love them? I hope you all will not be dying on any crosses soon, but I challenge you to show your family some extra love this month. When they lie, steal, cheat, are mean, bicker, are selfish, etc. Show them love and give them grace and mercy. Just like God does us even when we are all of those things and sometimes worse.
So, even though they don't give you patience on Pinterest or sell kindness on etsy, let's all take time out to plan a little love and a little less "idea."

Joyce Meyers Adventure

So, I had to come all the way to Bangkok, Thailand to see Joyce Meyers, and boy was it fun! Anyone who knows me knows I'm a scaredy cat. I don't like to go anywhere in Bangkok by myself and I hate to take taxi's alone. But, I tell you...so worth it! After a week of crazy kid drama and the questioning attitude of what in the world am I doing and telling God I needed to see some action from Him and bossing and pitching my usual fits, He spoke to me in a huge way.
Taking a taxi to the BTS train station to meet my friend Tiffany (so much fun)was smooth sailing. We rode all the way until we couldn't go any further and then we had an hour taxi ride to the IMPACT ARENA in Muong Thong Thani. When we got there I couldn't believe my eyes! I thought for sure this was a joke. There were so many people there it was crazy. And they were mostly Thai! I didn't even think there were that many Thai Christians here. I tell you, that was the best thing I've been a part of and been privy to witness in a long time. I don't know about anyone else in that stadium, but I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. It was amazing. Joyce talked about legalism and fear and a lot of what she talked about was what I have been struggling with here. Who am I? Why do I not have the gifts that my friends have? What if I plan something and no one comes? Why does God want me? Why did He chose me? All of these questions have been running through my mind lately. I have recently been called crass, loud, obnoxious, not conservative enough, outside the box. Well, obviously I'm here because God not only wants to use me in spite of that, but maybe BECAUSE I'm all those things. I realized last night that maybe I'm the bridge between the the crazy, broken, sad, lonely, sinners and all the ultimate Christian conservatives that I live and work with. Who cares what these people think of me? Thank you, Joyce, for pointing out that it doesn't matter what any of them think of me. WHAT DOES GOD THINK OF ME? That's the only think that matters!
As I felt overwhelmed with love and gratitude last night I couldn't sing, clap or praise and the hair all over my body was standing on end. I watched as the High Society men and women in the front who were dripping with diamonds and Rolex watches were raising their hands and praying, singing and dancing. I watched the little 20ish girl who sang every single word as if Jesus was standing in front of her. I watched the Indian ladies dance around the isles and clap with reckless abandon. I saw the little boys running around in circles with their hands held high saying "PRAISE JESUS." I saw the translator dancing and clapping, clearly out of his comfort zone, but caught up in the love and joy the people had for Jesus. I just praise God that I am here, and I hope I can live free of the fear, peer pressure, and the insecurities of not being good enough or not being who my friends think I should be. I want to live and give all the glory to God. I want to love him and have a relationship with Him, for He has given me much. I am still a gypsy, on an adventure of a lifetime, but the adventure has changed. It's still an adventure on a map filled with treasure, but it's become the adventure of loving Christ and bringing others to Him through my crazy journey. It's amazing how much fun I'm having, and I thank you all for taking it with me!!!!

REMOTE ISLANDS OF ADVENTURE!

A place called Juniper Tree on Dolphin Bay/Hua Hin is where we booked our Christmas vacation this year.  Our first Christmas overseas, without family was starting to wear on me after Thanksgiving.  I saw the lights go up at the malls, heard the Christmas songs in all the stores, and the weird, flashy decorations that make me wonder at the Thai's view of Christmas.  I was starting to get stressed.  We decided to do Christmas different this year.  One family present and a trip.  Since our children were incredulous that we weren't getting them anything, we went ahead and bought our family gift to ease their disappointment.   A wonderful ping pong table was delivered to our house the Wednesday before we left.  Hailley and Elijah were ridiculously excited until I told them they couldn't play on it until Christmas.  So, as the Grinch who stole Christmas (literally and figuratively) furiously packed for the beach, I had all these plans for our vacation.  We were going to kayak, hike, ride elephants, and go on so many adventures, they wouldn't care if they got presents or not.

Day one of vacation started by us riding in a borrowed truck (from some wonderful missionaries who are on sabbatical  (Thank you Bobby and Paula!)  I felt like I was back in Georgia riding in a big truck out in the country.  It was weird leaving the city and finding cows tied up to trees on the side of the road and chickens running along side each other.  The strangest, most beautiful sight was the palm trees against the backdrop of the mountainside.  Hello?  Can you say beautiful?  So, as we are nearing the end of our four hour drive, I am wondering to myself what the heck we got ourselves into.  This place is so remote, there was hardly anything around for miles!  I was thinking, okay, where are the kayaks, elephants and guides to take us hiking?  We get to our rooms, and I have to say they were spectacular.  Not in the sense that they were luxurious, or beautiful, but we were situated facing the beach, not even 100 yards away.  We unpacked and I just decided I would lay down for a little nap.  Well, after sleeping for almost two days, I finally awoke from my hibernation to see if my outings were still available--only to find out that dinner would not be served that night and we were on our own.  We drove the 40 minutes into Hua Hin (only to run into 10 of Chris' students) to eat and to go to the mall.  I pouted all the way home.  I told Chris that this was not the vacation I thought it was going to be and I was really upset.  As we were driving up to our room, something came over me and I realized how lucky I was to be there, observing the beautiful canvas that God has gifted to me for enjoyment.  How could I pout?  As soon as my attitude changed, we had the best adventures ever.  We met so many other missionaries from around the world who gave us encouragement, support and friendship.  We listened to stories from an older couple who had been missionaries for years, but started out just like Chris, as a teacher and coach.  Our children met friends and experienced freedom and fun.  We hiked up a mountain, down into a cave with stalactites and stalagmites(thank you Gretchen Curl or I would have no idea what these are).  I kayaked in the waving ocean and flipped over and gave everyone a show.  We saw monkeys gallore and got massages.  I bought artwork at the floating market and secret "souveniers" for the kids.  We also gave t shirts to some girls we met from Finland who befriended Hailley and Elijah and some money to a single mother and her daughter who were down on their luck. Then, after all that, we were taken to this deserted beach with mounds of sea shells and huge rocks. Who cares that we didn't do all that I had planned?  It may not have been the vacation I planned, but it was the vacation I needed. When we got up this morning to leave, I just couldn't believe how much fun we had and how blessed we were to be there.  I ran around the beach yelling, "WE LIVE IN BANGKOK THAILAND!!!!!!!  THANK YOU GOD, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!  I know that even though this Christmas won't be traditional, it will be a Christmas to remember forever.  My husband and I have a renewed spirit, a renewed love for missions, and I am pretty sure we fell just a little bit more in love with each other and the two babies God has blessed us with.  Merry Christmas to everyone and Happy Birthday Jesus!

Thanksgiving in Thailand

I have many things to be thankful for.  I am thankful for my Mom and Stepdad, my Dad and Stepmom, my sister and her husband.  I am thankful for my husband, who is above and beyond all blessings.  I am thankful for my kids, who are just as crazy as I am, though in a different way.  I am thankful that God is working through me and Chris to make a huge difference in their lives, but I'm more thankful that He's using them to work on us too.  I am thankful for my friends, both in the States and Thailand. 

Although the list goes on and on and I am blessed beyond my deserve, I am homesick.  The honeymoon was over long ago and just as I was getting adjusted to real life here in Bangkok, the holidays came zooming in on me like they want to smash me to smitherines.  The first problem was when Chris and I argued over buying a turkey that costs $50.  The second problem was when I found and bought the turkey of my dreams at half the price and came home to realize it will barely fit in my Charlie Brown oven.  Then, on to the rest of the problems of cooking the side dishes and dessert and oh, I could have made some things on the stovetop, but I only have two burners. Not that I have four and only two will work, but I only have two!  

I thought all our traditions were lost when my parents got divorced, but when we adopted the kids we decided to have the tradition of eating at my sister's house.  Last year we set the oven on fire, and her firefighter husband had the fire out, all smoke sucked out of the house and the oven cleaned and ready for us to continue cooking in 30 minutes.  It was crazy, but pretty darn awesome!  And the turkey was fabulous! I am sad about not being with my family over the holidays.  I know we are crazy, we are all fighters and nothing ever seems to go just as planned, but it's home. So, with all of these emotions swimming around in my head, and me trying to pretend I'm not sad--my friend and I went into a store and she said, "Look! They have Christmas ornaments!" and it hit me.  I just stood there and my face started leaking.  I don't know why at that moment it chose to hit me, but it did.  I won't have porch time with my sister while the turkey is cooking, I won't get to shop Black Friday for my kids, and I miss the cold weather, colorful leaves falling off the tree, the fight over when to play Christmas music and that stupid movie, The Christmas Story (my dad always made me watch it growing up, and then when I married Chris, he too, made us watch it every year).  

Living in a foreign country is hard.  Being without family during the holidays is harder.  I know we are giving our children a better life and exposing them to the TRUE meaning of following God's plan, but old habits are hard to break.  I miss my family and friends, my church, and my people.  But I am so thankful for the many blessings, grace and mercy that God gives me--even when I'm not so grateful.  Thanksgiving in Thailand will be interesting, but I'm determined to make it fun.  The face still leaks, but it also makes funny sounds called laughter.  My turkey will surely have some difficulties, and something dramatic or drastic will occur, but one day it will be the funniest story to tell at one of our future feasts.  And I am thankful for all the many blessings-past, present and future-that God has given me!  Here's to my first Thanksgiving in Thailand......CHEERS!