It's so easy to get bogged down with the awful day to day pitfalls. I often get caught up in all the things that need to be done, need improvement, or have to be fixed. I am a doer. I like to have lists and cross things off the list. If I am at the grocery store and I grab something off the list, I write it down , just so I can cross it off. Yeah, I'm that crazy. I have also tried organizing my list and ended up doing none of that list because I spent all my time organizing and trying to figure out the most efficient way to check that list off. At some point over the last week, I have realized that in all these rush around, list making, scratching off, organizing days, that I'm trying to control my life. I have not been listening to God. I have been talking his ear off and not listening to anything. How can you listen when you're talking? How can you be obedient when you can't hear direction? I KNOW God is in control. I KNOW His plan is better. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!!!! So why do I always get back into the habit of scratching off or controlling and raging? Because I'm also impatient. I never realized how bad Americans are at wanting what we want, when we want it. Right now. Instant gratification. It wasn't until I moved to Thailand that it became a realization. I want things right now. I want a peaceful, fun, life. I want my children to heal, behave and make fabulous grades and be superstar athletes. I want to save a lot of money. I want to be a size 8. I want, I want, I want. In the midst of bad grades, bad attitudes, broken vacuums, no money and tight pants, I hear a voice. This whisper is saying, "Be still, and know I am God." "Come to me, you are weary." "Rest." It gives me peace. I know He's got it. He's got the finances. He's got my kids. He's got the Gypsy and He's got everything. HE is so much bigger. So much better than any list, and the transformation we're taking to get there may not be pretty, but His plan for us is beautiful. I am so thankful that I can put my trust in him and that His plan for me is to prosper me and give me a hope and a future. As good as scratching that item off the list is, it's way better to know God loves me. To know that I can take all my worries to the cross and lay it all at the feet of Jesus. He loves me, even when I'm ugly. I can lay all my anger, disappointment, questions, controlling behaviors at His feet and HE still loves me. I am so glad that when I want to give up, want to run away, wonder what in the world I was thinking, or harbor hate in my heart, he still whispers to me. I am so glad HE doesn't run away, wonder what in the world he was thinking when he made me, or hate me for not obeying and just being plain awful. Thanks God. As I sit here frustrated with life, mad at the world, life's circumstances, and the lack of understanding from most people, I give it up to God and realize I don't have to control anything. I hope and pray that any of you going through tough times, who feel like giving up, who feel lost, may find hope in Jesus Christ. I pray you have a community that loves you, surrounds you, helps you, even when they don't understand. I pray for kind words, friends who love you through it all and people who bring you closer to God. This crazy girl loves you all and I hope that I can encourage you and pray for you in any way I can. Feel free to send me any prayer requests!