The Truth of a Gypsy Heart

People from the church got mad at us for pulling out of a church camp. My daughter got in not one, but two, fights with a seventeen year old eighth grader and got detention for a week. My son stole the teacher's scissors and held them up (playing) to someone's neck like he was in the "movies." My son and daughter got in a fight that escalated into him running away and the entire neighborhood, Thai and non-Thai alike, were scouring the streets for him. And to start it all off, the therapist said I am the one who needs therapy first and most. All this happened within 9 days of each other.
The weeks before I had started questioning God about why we were brought to Thailand, how we were going to make it financially, what was our purpose here. I still didn't know where I was supposed to serve, which ministry to join forces with and feeling guilty every time I told someone no, or I'm not sure. Well, God certainly showed me the answers to all those questions in the span of those 9 days. I went from questioning His judgement to knowing without a doubt that I am back to my old ways of trying to control things. I remembered the verse "Be still and know I am God." I have never known such a loving, graceful, merciful community than we are in right now. Yes, I am totally humiliated that my lack of bonding with my children has held them back. Yes, I am totally embarrassed that my child ran away and now everyone knows we don't live in a utopia filled with unicorns. To the questions of how we are going to make it, I am learning to "be still..." I am learning to be content, to block out the negative naysayers and to listen to the angels who have surrounded us with love and support. I am learning to say things with my actions and not words. I am learning to love my children for who they are in spite of all their hideous badges of honor, sometimes worn proudly on their sleeves. I am learning to listen and smile when people tell me what they think of me or my parenting skills. I smile because I know without a doubt those people would never be able to handle what we go through in one day, let alone the last four years with wounded spirits and the aftermath of abuse. As one loving friend put it, they are special, and you are specially picked for them. I am beginning to believe that. I hang on to the fact that my pride is not because we are special, but because we are chosen by God to parent, to learn and to love. We are not perfect, but we are humble, we are fighters, we are survivors. We will do anything, try anything and fall on our knees publicly to hang on to the robe of Christ and follow His Holy Spirit in guiding us-all of us-to the cross. He may drag us kicking and screaming, but we haven't let go of the robe yet!
All this new learning of the attachment theory has made me step up to the plate, not accept them bonding with Chris more than me and to hold me accountable for their healing and in return, healing all the hurts from my childhood I never knew were impacting my relationship with anyone, let alone my family. Little by little, in my humble gypsy heart, grows tiny roots of two adolescent rascals who have not wormed their ways in, but clawed, kicked and screamed and fought their way to get there. May they one day know how much I love them and how I will die loving them. No matter how much they embarrass, humiliate, hurt, defy, or rebel, I will love them with all my heart.

Valentines Day Adventures!

As I sit here looking at "ideas" on Pinterest all day, I realize it is four o'clock and the day is gone. I have nothing to show and an overwhelming number of those ideas swimming around in my head. So, what is the topic of those ideas? VALENTINES DAY!!! I realize that my crazy gypsy of a husband tore the roots right out from under us and brought us across the entire globe. I realize my adopted kids give me a run for my money with their tests and rascally behavior. But you know what? There is no greater passion than the love I have for those three. I will follow my Chris to the end of this life with devotion, respect and a lot of gushy love. I will fight for and with my children so that they will get to the end of this life and say, "wow, I know I was loved by that crazy woman!"
This brings me to the realization that God loved us so much that He gave us His son to die on the cross for our sins. Wow! He loves us far more than we deserve, gave us the greatest gift, and blesses our lives beyond measure. So, in all of that, how are YOU going to show your family that you love them? I hope you all will not be dying on any crosses soon, but I challenge you to show your family some extra love this month. When they lie, steal, cheat, are mean, bicker, are selfish, etc. Show them love and give them grace and mercy. Just like God does us even when we are all of those things and sometimes worse.
So, even though they don't give you patience on Pinterest or sell kindness on etsy, let's all take time out to plan a little love and a little less "idea."

Joyce Meyers Adventure

So, I had to come all the way to Bangkok, Thailand to see Joyce Meyers, and boy was it fun! Anyone who knows me knows I'm a scaredy cat. I don't like to go anywhere in Bangkok by myself and I hate to take taxi's alone. But, I tell you...so worth it! After a week of crazy kid drama and the questioning attitude of what in the world am I doing and telling God I needed to see some action from Him and bossing and pitching my usual fits, He spoke to me in a huge way.
Taking a taxi to the BTS train station to meet my friend Tiffany (so much fun)was smooth sailing. We rode all the way until we couldn't go any further and then we had an hour taxi ride to the IMPACT ARENA in Muong Thong Thani. When we got there I couldn't believe my eyes! I thought for sure this was a joke. There were so many people there it was crazy. And they were mostly Thai! I didn't even think there were that many Thai Christians here. I tell you, that was the best thing I've been a part of and been privy to witness in a long time. I don't know about anyone else in that stadium, but I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. It was amazing. Joyce talked about legalism and fear and a lot of what she talked about was what I have been struggling with here. Who am I? Why do I not have the gifts that my friends have? What if I plan something and no one comes? Why does God want me? Why did He chose me? All of these questions have been running through my mind lately. I have recently been called crass, loud, obnoxious, not conservative enough, outside the box. Well, obviously I'm here because God not only wants to use me in spite of that, but maybe BECAUSE I'm all those things. I realized last night that maybe I'm the bridge between the the crazy, broken, sad, lonely, sinners and all the ultimate Christian conservatives that I live and work with. Who cares what these people think of me? Thank you, Joyce, for pointing out that it doesn't matter what any of them think of me. WHAT DOES GOD THINK OF ME? That's the only think that matters!
As I felt overwhelmed with love and gratitude last night I couldn't sing, clap or praise and the hair all over my body was standing on end. I watched as the High Society men and women in the front who were dripping with diamonds and Rolex watches were raising their hands and praying, singing and dancing. I watched the little 20ish girl who sang every single word as if Jesus was standing in front of her. I watched the Indian ladies dance around the isles and clap with reckless abandon. I saw the little boys running around in circles with their hands held high saying "PRAISE JESUS." I saw the translator dancing and clapping, clearly out of his comfort zone, but caught up in the love and joy the people had for Jesus. I just praise God that I am here, and I hope I can live free of the fear, peer pressure, and the insecurities of not being good enough or not being who my friends think I should be. I want to live and give all the glory to God. I want to love him and have a relationship with Him, for He has given me much. I am still a gypsy, on an adventure of a lifetime, but the adventure has changed. It's still an adventure on a map filled with treasure, but it's become the adventure of loving Christ and bringing others to Him through my crazy journey. It's amazing how much fun I'm having, and I thank you all for taking it with me!!!!

REMOTE ISLANDS OF ADVENTURE!

A place called Juniper Tree on Dolphin Bay/Hua Hin is where we booked our Christmas vacation this year.  Our first Christmas overseas, without family was starting to wear on me after Thanksgiving.  I saw the lights go up at the malls, heard the Christmas songs in all the stores, and the weird, flashy decorations that make me wonder at the Thai's view of Christmas.  I was starting to get stressed.  We decided to do Christmas different this year.  One family present and a trip.  Since our children were incredulous that we weren't getting them anything, we went ahead and bought our family gift to ease their disappointment.   A wonderful ping pong table was delivered to our house the Wednesday before we left.  Hailley and Elijah were ridiculously excited until I told them they couldn't play on it until Christmas.  So, as the Grinch who stole Christmas (literally and figuratively) furiously packed for the beach, I had all these plans for our vacation.  We were going to kayak, hike, ride elephants, and go on so many adventures, they wouldn't care if they got presents or not.

Day one of vacation started by us riding in a borrowed truck (from some wonderful missionaries who are on sabbatical  (Thank you Bobby and Paula!)  I felt like I was back in Georgia riding in a big truck out in the country.  It was weird leaving the city and finding cows tied up to trees on the side of the road and chickens running along side each other.  The strangest, most beautiful sight was the palm trees against the backdrop of the mountainside.  Hello?  Can you say beautiful?  So, as we are nearing the end of our four hour drive, I am wondering to myself what the heck we got ourselves into.  This place is so remote, there was hardly anything around for miles!  I was thinking, okay, where are the kayaks, elephants and guides to take us hiking?  We get to our rooms, and I have to say they were spectacular.  Not in the sense that they were luxurious, or beautiful, but we were situated facing the beach, not even 100 yards away.  We unpacked and I just decided I would lay down for a little nap.  Well, after sleeping for almost two days, I finally awoke from my hibernation to see if my outings were still available--only to find out that dinner would not be served that night and we were on our own.  We drove the 40 minutes into Hua Hin (only to run into 10 of Chris' students) to eat and to go to the mall.  I pouted all the way home.  I told Chris that this was not the vacation I thought it was going to be and I was really upset.  As we were driving up to our room, something came over me and I realized how lucky I was to be there, observing the beautiful canvas that God has gifted to me for enjoyment.  How could I pout?  As soon as my attitude changed, we had the best adventures ever.  We met so many other missionaries from around the world who gave us encouragement, support and friendship.  We listened to stories from an older couple who had been missionaries for years, but started out just like Chris, as a teacher and coach.  Our children met friends and experienced freedom and fun.  We hiked up a mountain, down into a cave with stalactites and stalagmites(thank you Gretchen Curl or I would have no idea what these are).  I kayaked in the waving ocean and flipped over and gave everyone a show.  We saw monkeys gallore and got massages.  I bought artwork at the floating market and secret "souveniers" for the kids.  We also gave t shirts to some girls we met from Finland who befriended Hailley and Elijah and some money to a single mother and her daughter who were down on their luck. Then, after all that, we were taken to this deserted beach with mounds of sea shells and huge rocks. Who cares that we didn't do all that I had planned?  It may not have been the vacation I planned, but it was the vacation I needed. When we got up this morning to leave, I just couldn't believe how much fun we had and how blessed we were to be there.  I ran around the beach yelling, "WE LIVE IN BANGKOK THAILAND!!!!!!!  THANK YOU GOD, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!  I know that even though this Christmas won't be traditional, it will be a Christmas to remember forever.  My husband and I have a renewed spirit, a renewed love for missions, and I am pretty sure we fell just a little bit more in love with each other and the two babies God has blessed us with.  Merry Christmas to everyone and Happy Birthday Jesus!

Thanksgiving in Thailand

I have many things to be thankful for.  I am thankful for my Mom and Stepdad, my Dad and Stepmom, my sister and her husband.  I am thankful for my husband, who is above and beyond all blessings.  I am thankful for my kids, who are just as crazy as I am, though in a different way.  I am thankful that God is working through me and Chris to make a huge difference in their lives, but I'm more thankful that He's using them to work on us too.  I am thankful for my friends, both in the States and Thailand. 

Although the list goes on and on and I am blessed beyond my deserve, I am homesick.  The honeymoon was over long ago and just as I was getting adjusted to real life here in Bangkok, the holidays came zooming in on me like they want to smash me to smitherines.  The first problem was when Chris and I argued over buying a turkey that costs $50.  The second problem was when I found and bought the turkey of my dreams at half the price and came home to realize it will barely fit in my Charlie Brown oven.  Then, on to the rest of the problems of cooking the side dishes and dessert and oh, I could have made some things on the stovetop, but I only have two burners. Not that I have four and only two will work, but I only have two!  

I thought all our traditions were lost when my parents got divorced, but when we adopted the kids we decided to have the tradition of eating at my sister's house.  Last year we set the oven on fire, and her firefighter husband had the fire out, all smoke sucked out of the house and the oven cleaned and ready for us to continue cooking in 30 minutes.  It was crazy, but pretty darn awesome!  And the turkey was fabulous! I am sad about not being with my family over the holidays.  I know we are crazy, we are all fighters and nothing ever seems to go just as planned, but it's home. So, with all of these emotions swimming around in my head, and me trying to pretend I'm not sad--my friend and I went into a store and she said, "Look! They have Christmas ornaments!" and it hit me.  I just stood there and my face started leaking.  I don't know why at that moment it chose to hit me, but it did.  I won't have porch time with my sister while the turkey is cooking, I won't get to shop Black Friday for my kids, and I miss the cold weather, colorful leaves falling off the tree, the fight over when to play Christmas music and that stupid movie, The Christmas Story (my dad always made me watch it growing up, and then when I married Chris, he too, made us watch it every year).  

Living in a foreign country is hard.  Being without family during the holidays is harder.  I know we are giving our children a better life and exposing them to the TRUE meaning of following God's plan, but old habits are hard to break.  I miss my family and friends, my church, and my people.  But I am so thankful for the many blessings, grace and mercy that God gives me--even when I'm not so grateful.  Thanksgiving in Thailand will be interesting, but I'm determined to make it fun.  The face still leaks, but it also makes funny sounds called laughter.  My turkey will surely have some difficulties, and something dramatic or drastic will occur, but one day it will be the funniest story to tell at one of our future feasts.  And I am thankful for all the many blessings-past, present and future-that God has given me!  Here's to my first Thanksgiving in Thailand......CHEERS! 

My Latest Adventures

So, it is rainy season here in Thailand.  There has been some flooding and people around here are crazy.  I don't know why it surprises me, but I'm just as crazy.   I have been running around all week trying to get ready for a flood that may or may not come.  So far, 260something people have died because of the flooding in Thailand.  As you all know how smart I am, you will understand that even if I watched the news and could understand anything they were saying, I know nothing of geography and the names of the towns, villages, and cities that have been flooded mean absolutely nothing to me.  I only know that I am in Thailand and the waters are a comin'.  I also know that even though some of my friends have poo pooed the flood and say that it won't happen, the truth is there are no eggs or bread on the shelves and you see the motorcycle taxi's making runs all around with gas tanks on them for people who have gas stoves.  Also, as I drove up (on my orange bicycle, named Nanny McFee), I see four dump trucks full of sand.  Ladies at the shop in my hood are handing out bags and it's a free for all.  The sad thing is, as I sit there thinking how fast I can peddle home and get the bags, the cold hard truth is---I cannot get the bags home on Nanny McFee!  So, what do I do instead?  Lose my ever lovin' mind!  I go home, start doing laundry like my family is naked and we've happened upon free clothes, and what's that?  CLEANING?  It's almost like I'm a pregnant woman nesting before giving birth.  How I would know that is only because all my friends who've given birth get crazy when pregnant.  Each at different months of pregnancy.  Anyway-I digress.
So, my laundry is on, clothes rack drug inside the house with fans blowing on it, the miniature lawn mower, miniature weed eater and you got it, mini grill is all drug upstairs.  I have swept the driveway (crazy I know), charged all my electronics, taken everything I can lift upstairs, taken the dogs on a walk and there is nothing left to do but eat.  So, I take myself in and start eating the food rations that I have stocked up for the flood.  Popcorn, gone, pop tarts, gone.  I even broke into the coke that I have threatened to kill if anyone snuck in and had one.  In my food induced, flood crazed out of my mind experience, I totally forgot to take something out for dinner, so my crazy husband makes me ride two miles to McDonald's for dinner.  Talk about preventative medicine!  Exercise like a maniac BEFORE you eat!  I am pretty sure I worked off all the food I ate, like a whole box of pop tarts, and such.  That's my story and I am stickin' to it.   I am pretty sure if Chris has to eat at the market one more time he might vomit.  And he didn't want noodle lady or chicken lady either (vendors in our neighborhood).  So, I (slightly) feel the obligation to cook something tomorrow.  So, now I am exhausted and I start writing in the new Bible I bought Chris (old one drove off in a taxi).  Our neighbor, Dave Ketchum, graciously came over and boarded up and caulked our back door and bolted something over the drain in our downstairs bathroom.  For those of you who are too delicate, look away at this next sentence.  Poop comes up out of the toilets and drains!  Thank goodness he has tools and knows how to use them!  And has lived through this and knows what to do.  Thank you Dave!
So, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.  Rain, floods, eggs, bread and maybe some self control where me and the kitchen are concerned.  I just know that so far, we have been so blessed with friends who are ready to help, to over look my craziness, to offer advice, to pray with, to borrow eggs, bread and milk.  And still, in the face of this storm, I know that God is with us.  I know He will provide.  And if you don't mind, send up an extra prayer for all the people here in Thailand.  Those who have lost loved ones, those who have lost their homes, those who are in need and for those of us getting ready for all of the above.  I miss you all, and know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers daily.   Stay tuned for more adventures!

Honeymoon Adventures End

So, the honeymoon period of being in Bangkok is over and real life begins.  Chris, Hailley and Elijah have started school and I am trying to find where I fit and what groups I'll join.  While I wait to decide, there are decisions I face that I never thought I'd deal with.  Do I get a maid, will she cook or do laundry, how do I get to my child's basketball games, the flooding that happens when it rains and how to communicate with the neighborhood handyman.  Do I teach Sunday school and how much do I commit to one ministry in case I might find more than one I feel led to?  All of the normal settling in things that are so much fun (said in jest).
All of you who know Hailley and Elijah know that school has never been easy for them.  They never even went to school before we got them so this is their 4th full year of school.  We are having the usual defiance and homework until 8:30 bedtime, lying about homework, not bring home or turning things or the organization of two little pigs hiding from the big bad wolf in a pile of all the good grades and the bad grades hidden in the depths of who knows where.  The social issues are harder here because the school is smaller, and my children have been exposed to a hideous previous life that the children here, even in their worst nightmares, couldn't imagine.  The thing about expat children is that they have brought up from birth in a Christian home, learned all the social skills and are emotionally safe and sound in their little boxes.  Trying to fit my crazy, unsure, socially unkempt, emotionally unruly round peg children in to those square little safe boxes is all the things you think it would be----embarrassing, confusing, frustrating, and just downright strange.  The thing Chris and I are learning is that it is great to have some really true friends to pray with, encourage us, cry with, laugh with and just love us.  We had some fabulous friends who did the same with us at home and we miss them dearly.  We are so thankful we have it here and count our blessings as more than we deserve.  We are learning a new parenting style.  Most of you know Chris and I are military authoritarian style parents.  We are strict, have had to retrain and now are retraining again.  Everything we are teaching is always turned back to what God says about their behavior, what God says He wants and expects of us.  Wow, how we have changed in just the last week even.  I can't tell you I've seen this miraculous turn around.  I can't tell you my children even understand what we are trying to teach them.  What I can tell you is that I have faith that God can and will do anything.
In my struggles this week of parenting my two lovelies, I began to look through the bible to find what is said about adoption.  I realized the ultimate story of adoption is of Jesus.  God sent His son to earth to be adopted ,  brought up, loved and be a part of Joseph and Mary's family.  It was hard.  He was persecuted, ridiculed, called a liar, beat, tortured and still went on to do miraculous things.  Esther, another who was adopted went through trials and tribulations but went on to do great things.  Moses, and on and on.  I just finally realized that God really does have a plan, and He chose Chris and me to raise them.  The key is--He chose us to raise them as they should go.  Not as I would have them, or even want them to go.  AS THEY SHOULD GO.  He gives very explicit instructions on that, and I'm sorry it took three years for me to figure it out.  I love my kids. As crazy as they are, they are my crazy.  I will always, and even as embarrassing as it is and painful to see and hear and do, I will always choose them.  Thank you to my friend Lisa, for letting me borrow a fabulous book called Creative Correction that has so many fabulous ideas and I am so appreciative of.  Thank you to my friend Kim, who has been there for me to vent to, cry to, and who has the wisdom of the ages and the patience of a saint, all packaged in a beautiful lady who can cook better than Julia, Martha, Paula, and Emeril all put together-and make it seem like she did it in 5 minutes.  And for all the other wonderful teachers here at ICS who have included me, prayed for me, and just loved my crazy cartoon life.  And for those of you back home, I still am thankful everyday God brought you into our lives.
So, on to the crazy fun things we've seen since last time.  Hailley and I saw a woman walking down the street in panties and a pair of shorts, nothing else.  No shirt, bra, or shoes.  Can you say weird?  We were just speechless, and for that, most people know if almost impossible!  I saw my first baby elephant on the side of the road, got off my bike and petted it and took pictures of it all the while it's owners were yelling at me.  We road our first Tuk Tuk, and had a blast.  I went to my first tea with the women of Bangkok Christian Fellowship, our new church.  It was so special, and I even got up the nerve to tell my story of how we came to Bangkok, Thailand.  We went on a shopping trip and my husband has literally spoiled me rotten.  He bought me a desk, my koi painting, a rug for my bedroom, a table to put all my toiletries on, a shoe rack (no shoes in house in Thailand),  a pedicure, and a plethera of other things I can't even remember.  Things he knows will make me feel at home and not so stressed out.  That he loves me enough to care makes my heart squish beyond measure.  Again, something I am blessed more than I deserve.  Even though the honeymoon is over, I am still left with blessings beyond measure.  I just want to say I love you God, and thank YOU!  Until the next adventure.......